Lesbian Coming Out Question

Lesbians- hello.  This blog is for anyone, but from my own experience I had different struggles with realizing I was gay, with children, etc.  I was already divorced, but so many things went into play.  If you are a "lesbian after marriage" i.e. someone who realized after you had a family in the heterosexual sense, this is the group I'm addressing.

Lesbians at all ages have struggles, all different.  I've known people who knew they were gay early on and never dated men.  The variation on whether their families accepted them or not.  Did their friends give up on them?  How did they feel about themselves?  Same questions for "lesbians after marriage" but some variants are included.  I had 3 children.  I had friends who only saw me one way.  Truly, a very few had wondered, but never said anything.

How does one tell their teen/young adult children that they prefer women to date?

How does one tell their friends that the person they have known all those years is different, and/or lying to them, as may be perceived?

How does one tell their birth family when they might be 40 years old, and "By the way, I'm gay."

I seriously do have some PTSD from those moments.  I had one friend go with me to tell other friends.  One of my issues is that I am an empath - which means I respond to others' emotions and needs, sometimes over my own needs.  So when I told all these people, I was deeply concerned about them.  One friend - who remains a close friend - still struggles with my not telling them before - and this was 16 years ago.  She feels like she may have been insensitive and that I should have told her.

Lesbians After Marriage

My question to you is:  Is there a defining moment?  That time when you just know for sure that you choose women over men. 

  Another question is Does that make me "bi"?  I say no, because since that self-exploration, I've never wanted to go back to dating men.  There is nothing in me that says "Date Men" or "I'm attracted to men."  Now, I love male energy.  I have sons who I'm crazy about, and grandsons.  It is not about that.  In schools, I enjoy male energy a great deal.  But when it comes to the intimacy I choose women.

Question 2:  Do you believe sexuality is on the continuum, and using that idea, does that mean I crossed over the middle and could only be a lesbian?   

Some food for thought for all of you.  Leave comments.