Acceptance.......

I have been busy with my gay friends and my straight friends - does it really matter who they sleep with? - but that time lately for me has been good. I love spending time with friends, I love doing new things, meeting new people, and I've been doing all these things. I also have had the pleasure of spending time with my children and grandchild-yes,grandchild. ouch. All these people in my life are okay with my partner and I and with my being gay. I have heard stories the last couple of weeks of family members of women who are not accepting. You can see the pain in their faces and hear it in their voices. How sad. And some of these women are in their 40's and 50's.

Is there a way we can all help? I'm not professing to have an answer, but asking you if you have an answer. What do you think we can all do together to make it easier for gay people. How sad it is that adults are afraid to tell - parents are afraid to tell their children-teachers are afraid their bosses will find out - it goes on and on. There is one thought that the more people come out, it makes it easier for all others. When people know you, like you, and find out you are gay, but still a cool person, perhaps being gay isn't so bad. I know I have told many I trust and take the risk that they tell others who can't handle it. Many families I work with are very conserva-tive and would not be willing to work with me should they find out that I am gay.

We can be very happy that the Hate Crimes Bill finally passed and will prosecute people for crimes against gay people. I make my contributions I can to HRC, Equality, and Lambda Legal, all oganizations fighting to promote equal rights in the United States.

Check out www.createtheultimatelife.com to find out ways to grow spiritually and emotionally

Are you going to miss the "L word" ?

I loved that the L Word gave a voice to Lesbians as a community. I do not pay for a lot of the cable channels that show gay-friendly media. Did I like the L word. Yes, I did, but there were times where it was too much for me. It was unlike real life as they always made something dramatic happen, which, as a therapist, I avoid drama in my life. I had hoped that I had made enough progress in my personal development that I would like peace in my life.

I certainly enjoyed the attractive people and loved to think of them as lesbians, even though
in real life, most were not. I do wish I had a community that size that I could connect with on a daily basis at the coffee shop. How about you? I would love that communication. My personality is such that I enjoyed Dana, the tennis player. Sometimes I could not watch it because it would get really dumb - How did you feel about Jenny? She drove us all nuts - I guess she did her job as an actress.

My partner isn't too crazy about the show because everyone is hopping into bed with other people. I really like to believe the best of people and relationships. Can people - women - be monogamous and long - term in their relationships. I want to believe yes. I haven't accomplished that yet as I was married for 13 years and had children. I was single for a long time so as not to bring people into my children's lives if it didn't work out.

How about you? Do you believe in long-term monogamy in the lesbian community??

Where have you been??Do you believe in gay marriage??

Hi to Jenni - when I was in my first long term relationship she did not have children either and although she liked mine, I think she felt like she didn't belong in my family as my children and I had bonded closely.
I don't know if it can ever feel the same as having your own biological children. Good for you for trying.


- I'm back to say "hi" and ask how everyone is doing? Anything new in the relationship world? All is well with mine. I attended a wonderful Lesbian party a couple of weeks ago. I loved being around all the women. Many had long term relationships. One couple had been together for 27 years. The women giving the party had been together 11 years. It is good to see. I'm always disappointed when I see relationships with Lesbians fall apart. Then my partner and I - both LAM with children from marriages - wonder why lesbian relationships have such a hard time. But then looks at straight relationships - not faring much better. I have 3 children who I would like to see in long-term happy relationships. I feel bad when they see such dys-function around them.

I think people are different and I tend to be a commitment kind of person, believing that this is it. We took the leap in Provincetown, Massachusetts in July because it was legal and because we want to stay together. Also, it is honoring same sex relationships. Next summer we will have a

ceremony to celebrate this commitment. Right now, time is flying by.

I am making some financial commitments for gay rights - EQIL is fighting for civil unions and also for the DOMA laws brought in by the Bush administration. HRC and Lambda Legal are also fighting to retain rights that have been gained in Washington state and Maine. Isn't it sad that the "right" is so concerned about us having equal rights. I believe we should be upset - my partner and I are both in helping professions and combined make healthy salaries which means we pay a lot in federal taxes. So why can't we have equal rights?

Do your part - make the phone calls, sign the pledges, whatever you can o.


Peace and Joy to you and yours.

Christa

August days

How was your summer? Any new observations, developments, learnings, experiences? My summer has been very busy. I've enjoyed travel with my partner, her children, my own children, golf with friends, tennis, biking - sounds good, doesn't it? I have been having a good summer and I am sorry to see it end. I have begun new entrepeneurial endeavors. I have been happy in my relationship - we continue learning. I am not always excited about raising children again, but they are older now. And how about that ex-husband. Mine and hers. What a disaster.
Did have the pleasure of going to Provincetown, Massachusetts - the gay mecca. It was a women's week celebration, but some of those events were for those on the rowdy side - I am not into some of that. We did get to meet friends out there. We enjoyed the freedom of the area, holding hands, showing affection, etc. in public. It is great. This was our second trip there.
i did try bike riding there but between the sun, hills, and heat I had a problem. Made it a long way, but decided one more hill wasn't going to be good. I've never given up before so my ego took a bruising. But my partner was great.

I am excited about the progress being made in the gay marriage/civil union progress. I'm excited about the positive changes. When in P-town, we were surrounded by the positives of gay marriage in Massachusetts - the first state to approve it. There was a male couple there getting their marriage license - they have been together 20 years. Good for them. I know many
gay people to not choose the commitment part of being gay, but it is definite progress for all of
us. Wisconsin recently approved civil unions, giving couples legal rights. I am old enough that I am more concerned about legal issues that may come up in a gay relationship.

Best wishes to all of you - may you have wonderful August.

Chris

So, how is your summer social life going?

Hello - so, as I've talked about before, coming out and developing a social life can be a difficult process. I know that I've always been a bit of a risk taker and it is easier for me than many, but I don't always enjoy it.

Do you have children? Does that make it even more difficult? Yes!! My last child was 18 before I made serious moves to a relationship, because it was a time issue for me and I did not want to bring people in and out of my children's lives while they were younger. I'm not saying this is the right answer - I'm just saying that it was the way for me. My partner has younger children, however, but they have adjusted well to me, but still have some anger toward mom. But as they see we are happy and I'm not trying to interfere, they build trust. You have to let them find their own way and that takes "PATIENCE."

Feel free to comment for others' benefit - we can all learn from each other.
Best to all.

How's Summer Going?

So, we are almost finished with June and many of us are enjoying the summer activities, friendships, meeting new people. Are you in a relationship? I'm curious how many of you lesbians after marriage are involved with other people and the status of your relationships.
We tend to associate in smaller groups of people. Right now, people I know that are lesbians are in a relationship. That's the current situation.

My partner and I do find ourselves disheartened when couples break up. It just makes me sad and wonder about commitment. I then look at my own views on everything. I guess I am so not into the dating, etc. because it is hard. I do like meeting new people, however. But during the dating time, it appears you are a future relationship or good-bye. Anyone else get frustrated by this whole thing.
Are you being hit by the economy, as most of us are. It also depends on where you are post-marriage, and are you raising young children. Then it is more difficult. I have 3 older children who are self-reliant (finally) but my partner has 2 teens. She is just now recovering from the
whole divorce process, even though it has been a while. My point is it does take a long time to
recover if you reside in the middle class.

check out my website at www.simplyabundant2.com if you would like some ideas. I am starting this website because I have been seeking ethical opportunities. I hope to share them with others.
I'll be back in touch. Feel free to send notes. I think I'll work on that survey.

life can be exciting!!

So, I hope you are enjoying your life. Are you out there taking chances, meeting people, moving outside the box? It does take some risks to make that transition from the straight life, married life, to that of a lesbian. Even in maintaining the same friendships, etc., there is some losses when women come out. That certainly varies per individual, from drastic losses to minimal losses. My losses have been minimal and my gains have been wonderful. But the life I had built before had been in a liberal arena, being a therapist and choosing people in my life that had open thinking and so fit nicely in with my new life.
I dated someone who chose to only be around gay people, apparently having a resentment toward straight people. This certainly narrowed her life and we had some serious disagreements around that. My life is full of people who are wonderful and exciting, and I do not care who they have sex with - I only care that they are not judgmental and close-minded.
Also, I have always been a "cliff jumper" in that I have taken risks that others cannot do, and I understand that. I have felt like I could "NOT" do some of those things and that is my calling, apparently.

Live in peace and joy - have fun.
Chris

and how is everything for you???

Well, the world goes on, and things appear a little rougher for people around the world since my last blog. But I don't really want to focus on that, because I am a little frustrated with all the negativity and feel that the media does not help with depression or fear when we read the headlines. I know that my circumstances have not changed a great deal, although others around me have been affected, but when I read headlines, etc., I do get scared.
News I've enjoyed from the gay world - I do focus on the gay news, as I'm proud of others who have made it and are out and proud. I love the Rachel Maddow show - isn't she gorgeous, although some of her news fits in the category above. This last week I also saw the news about the 2 military men who came out and are being discharged from the military. One was named Choi and I do not recall the other one, although he was a highly skilled soldier in Iraq, and had much training. Isn't it a travesty? I hope Obama comes up with a solution. My partner, Aimee, was reading about "don't ask, don't tell" this morning, and I pointed out that this was a com-
promise from the Clinton administration in not being able to change the "no gays in the military."
It appears the military is shooting themselves in the foot to spite their face - duh - you are going to get rid of those who have served, want to serve, and have been trained, and why????
More news - I have had my friends go on-line and watch Ellen DeGeneres speaking at the graduation ceremony for Tulane University. It was hilarious. Check it out.
How about all this gay marriage news - isn't that exciting. I myself am going to Provincetown this summer and the subject has come up with my partner in an effort to support the cause.
Illinois, my home state, is looking at civil unions. Iowa approved gay marriage, and the Northeast is doing great in that category, aren't they.
Anyone going for it?? My only hesitation is that I made a huge step in the past with my last partner - for me, when I commit, it is no small deal - she however decided it wasn't working for her, but I found it embarrassing that I had invited friends and family to the ceremony to honor the commitment. Seemed to make light of the whole idea - I had no control in that situation after the face. This is my struggle.

Live in peace,
Chris

still out here

Wow - it has been a long time since i've been here. That's amazing - time flies. So how is everyone. Obviously, I am busy. I have 2 jobs, a relationship - which I find takes time - and working on internet activities, plus I'm a little disorganized so that takes me more time. My bad.
I am excited about the changes that are happening in some states - Iowa, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Vermont - Illinois is looking at Civil Unions and I keep hearing Wisconsin has proposed gay marriage. Isn't that great. Whether you want to get married or not, it shows progress in acceptance.
I hit a new era in my own relationship and the whole coming out process recently. My partner had surgery and I was allowed in the room, and was seen as the next of kind. Everyone treated me very well. I know that certain people cannot handle that, but so far, so good. We also moved to a new neighborhood and as recently as tonite, were out meeting neighbors. I'm amazed how many people are open and accepting - of course, whatever they think in their heads, or tell themselves we couldn't really be together. the outward experience has gone well.
I continue to meet women who have been married and have now decided that they are truly attracted to women. Making that leap is a major change. We will talk about many steps in the next few blogs. I hope it won't be so long. I'm off my other job due to the exposure of swine flu in my district.
Have a good day - Do what you love, love what you do!!